Empty Nesting - Part 1

(This is me this morning....)

Before you all panic after reading the heading of this post and think that Chaos and Mayhem have moved out, I assure you that is not happening.  I had my first empty nesting pang today though.

I struggled to have children, I will not detail here, but my kids are the result of nice men in lab coats giving me hormones and blood tests and nine months of hell pregnancies.  So even though I have child slave traders on speed dial some days, I love my babies.  Thus throughout their lives I have had moments of sadness as I realise that they are growing up.  Today I had a rather large empty nester pang. 

Driving into work, ultra early this morning to get some shit done before the rest of the crew pops in, as I was driving past a school, they had a reminder on their message board "Mothers Day Stall".  And I was sad.  Since Chaos and Mayhem went into high school I have not received a hastily chosen $2 gift and hand made Mother's Day card.  Damn it...I miss them. I still have the hand cream and flower card with a tea light candle in the centre as well as the fake flower display from the last primary school Mother's Day stall.  They make me smile.

This morning I realised that I will never get another one, and my heart ached for the first time that one day Chaos and Mayhem will be out of the house and there are so many things that will never happen again.

Everyday I learn something new about my babies.

Demented knife-wielding lemurs

I am, as always, amazed at how good people constantly have bad shit happen to them.  I am not saying that bad people don't have bad shit, but really I am not worried about them.  Yes I am also fully cognisant of the adjective of "good" and "bad" is purely subjective...so please do not bore me with that crap...this is my blog...thank you...

When these things happen, I think about karma, every dog having their day, past lives and all of the platitudes that we tell ourselves and each other, in hushed, comforting tones.  I like to think that every dog has their day...in my house the dog has his day everyday...and I put faith in the fact that it does, even without me knowing.  Like Homer though, I need a sign please.

Today I got a sign... http://www.news.com.au/business/worklife/the-investment-banker-and-his-dating-spreadsheet/story-e6frfm9r-1226334020447

Thank you karma, this sign has shown me that the idiots in tin foil are in full force.  That men will trust a person they find physically attractive...for no other reason than that they are attractive.  And that this tool will probably be dateless for a little while.  I love it when karma lets loose the lemurs of war.

So maybe it is not that every dog has their day....we all just need to unleash the lemurs!!

Sorry...still laughing my ass off...

In the garden of good and evil

I had a run in with a redneck today...now some of my southern friends will laugh and say..."you live in Queensland, you are surrounded by them" but this was a special kind of redneck.

I love the movie Guess Who is Coming to Dinner, and one of my top 10 fave lines is "you see yourself as a black man, I see myself as a man". It is powerful language. Relevance I hear you ask dear reader...I had a redneck tell me today how "abominable" homosexuality is and how they "had" to cut this person from their life, and they were a fairly significant person in their lives. I can name some abdominal behaviours in a person...but nowhere on my list is a person's adult consenting sexual orientation. Further more, those behaviours that I find "abominable" I pretty much keep to myself...unless asked...and then due warnings are given.

Back to my movie quote....to paraphrase me "I see myself as human, no better or worse than the next human"

Words....so powerful to be used so flippantly...

Luckiest gal in the world

I love this photo...it makes me aware of all of the beautiful friends that I am blessed to have come into my life....for short or long periods.

As a gal that was born without any sisters, I lamented this as a child.  In fact when my younger brother came along two days before my sixth birthday I was so pissed off I hid in my Nan's bathroom for a couple of hours, waiting for the penis to drop off maybe...anyway, I do love my brothers but I did wish for sisters.  Then I actually noticed my friends with sisters....and they were not happy campers.  They actually seemed to be in full combat with their sisters, whilst I generally got along pretty well with my annoying brothers and when we did fight, it was all forgotten fairly fast.

As I got older I actually realised that I had it better than my friends with sisters...because I got to choose who were my sisters.  This is a gift greater than all of Midas' gold.  I have amazing women in my life.  They know every bad thing that is inside of me, and they still love and support me.  When the negative voices in my head are overpowering, I am blessed to have a circle of strong women to pull me back into positive.  How do I say in pithy words how much these women mean to me, I can't...what I can say is that when you need me, I am there...to laugh, cry, celebrate and plot with you.  I am there when you are in gaol...sitting next to you grinning like a loon...I have the shovel and tarp ready when you need it....you deserve no less than that...because that is how much you all mean to me.

I wish I could talk to that almost six year old girl and tell her that brothers are cool, but sisters by choice is the greatest gift that having no biological sisters could ever give me.  I wouldn't want it any other way.