Alcohol...the cause and solution to all problems

This picture is taped to the wall of my office.  I am a large fan of good quality wine, and I am not fussy, red, white or sparkling...bring it on I say.

What truly appeals to me is the second word...options...it is one of my favourite words, not because it sounds funny but the doors that open with those seven letters....options...

There are many things that I take for granted on a daily basis...but with some navel gazing...I have discovered lint.... and options....they are laying out in front of us everyday.  We take them and we deal with the consequences without  thinking.  Sadly it is only when we take the 'wrong' option that we stop for a moment, analyse and berate....and then look for who is responsible... I hate the word wrong and should. 

There are no wrong options...unless there is avocado on the sanger...and should is a word that should be banned.  The moment you tell me I should be doing something, I instantly want to do the opposite...although I still would not get avocado on my sandwich.  "You should study something useful"...this lead to me studying education, business and law...and guess what, I am not a teacher, lawyer or business woman..."You should wear flat shoes"....we need not discuss this horrifying statement...to me, should limits my options and I do not like having my options limited...

Anyway...back to options...I have begun to love them...shall I have cereal or toast, watch cartoons or the news...because even these little decisions make a difference, I had just ignored them previously.  Little options ripple into larger options which have scary and dazzling consequences.

Now that I have the time to navel gaze I am thinking...do I dare to break through fear and be bold and brave...

Now back to the wine....please send to me in copious amounts...or even better come and sit on my verandah and drink it with me....this is a great option

Boys Part 1 - Car sex

Once upon a time there was a princess in a castle, tower, forest...hell a magical fairy land where doe eyes were standard, figures are in single digits and for some reason the birds and animals of the forest were not only mystical but in tune with the ingenue princess waiting for her prince to come.

I have discovered that there are no knights in shining armour....merely idiots in tin foil....

Bitter...actually no I am not, I would love to have an equal to share the day with, cuddle up to and have doona time with...but herein lies the problem...equality...but that is another story for another day...

Over the past two years I have had a few funny encounters with the opposite sex, but the tale of yore I tell today is one from the past couple of weeks. 

I was having a bad day, so I went for a cocktail with a couple of gals here in the big bad country...which I am pleased to report I have found a bartender who can mix an amaretto sour...slurping my amaretto sour I start to tease the young pups near us who are obviously out on the town on the make, looking at my much younger but happily attached gal pals.  I will cut the story short, but by the end of the night I had been asked out by a cute 26 year old....being 37 with two kids, I was feeling pretty smug...."you go girl you still have it"

Pride cometh before the fall

After two weeks of chatting...online, sms...it was two days before the big date...and he dropped a clanger...no prelude please, I have no time or inclination....just give me a romp and not even between the sheets but...you guessed it...in a car....

Points to note:
1. I am a gal with a brain....you need to talk to me
2. I am a gal with standards...you need to buy me a cocktail
3. I am a gal with kids....that means you CAN'T come to my house
4. I am a gal who is 37....I left car sex behind 20 years ago

There is a reason this is titled boys...and not men...

Tree Change

Call it brave, crazy or just plain stupid but after a turbulent couple of years, Chaos, Mayhem, our cat and I moved 1300kms away from our comfort zone. From big city lights...well almost...to cows living next door to us. I love the quiet, but what happens now.

Being a psychotic overachiever I take perceived failure badly. I am able to comfort others and show them the positives from set backs, the only time you fail is when you quit and every other platitude, when I analyse me...lost in a sea of negativity...where the sharks with lasers are hiding! I sit, listening to the quiet, but when life is quiet, the voices that you drown out come in better than Dolby stereo.

For better or worse, I measure myself by the job I have, the difference I make to others and the happiness of Chaos and Mayhem. All of my life I have been something...daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother, professional career woman...then suddenly single, a level of comfort identity stripped away, so I desperately cling to the others. I work longer, harder, busier to drown out the voice of failure. Wife is gone, mother is part time, daughter is remote and all that is left is professional career woman. Crash and burn is coming and I missed the signs to exit.

So we have a tree change, the old identities are coming back like old friends...daughter, mother full time and professional career woman...but the quiet, creeping like a fog over me, putting a layer of dissatisfaction over these external identifiers...but they are familiar, comfortable...the internal identifiers I am not friendly with...they only come out in my dreams, when I have drank too much vodka or when I am quiet. But I think the key to my peace and happiness is becoming acquainted with them, turning them to my dark side and fully embracing who I am without the external identifiers...that is where the true tree change has to take place.