Words, words all around, and not a lifeline in sight

...he was really saying "I love you"...oh my I love this movie....

I have a love/hate relationship with words.  You may have noticed it.  This post is about my hate relationship with words, at another time I will converse with you about my love relationship with words.

Words are so powerful and yet we are so careless with them.  You would not drop a diamond ring on the ground and walk away from it, but how many of us have said something flippant and walked away, not acknowledging or even thinking of the impact on the recipient, have we lost a diamond of a friend, ally, colleague or lover.

Words can cut worse than a rapier.  And people use them as such, then take no responsibility for the fallout. 

"But I never hit you"....no but you used words against me so harshly that it was the same as a body blow. 

"Do you really think that you need that piece of chocolate?"...no probably not, but now I have guilt when I eat chocolate from your question. 

"I don't know why you bother with a beautician."...why?  Because I am not beautiful enough in raw form, thus what is the point in trying to enhance a flawed product. 

"Go around the fat lady to get to the apples"....is this the only way we can describe a person?

I am an extrovert (no I do not flash my boobs at anyone who walks past me), eventually nearly everything that floats around my troubled orb, will come out of my mouth.  I am not so arrogant to believe that I know how every person will react to the words that I use, but I try to ensure that my words are thought out, carefully planned and measured.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail...but I always learn from the experience.

And now the really important use of words today....where can I get a Dread Pirate Roberts mask from...I already have my pirate!

I have several friends like this...and I love you all!

It has been a little hiatus for Bright Star Musings...not because there has been nothing to tell...there has been too much to think and muse about.  But my lovely high school friend has poked me and thus I will give you a small piece of some recent musing.

I have talked before about my identity crises, of being all things but losing the essence of me.  How these identification fragments float in and out of my consciousness, comparmentalised for when I have the energy, strength and aptitude to face them.  I have sat and listened to the quiet (cows still mooing), looked at my navel (no lint...woohoo) and as Homer would say, had a few "epiphetrees" (thank you boob lady). 

I will share a recent 'epiphetree' of the past few months....

I am not going to fall into a cliche of harking on about my childhood...I had a perfectly normal and dysfunctional upbringing....just like everyone else...and I expect Chaos and Mayhem to say the same thing about their upbringing. 

But when I look at my childhood, adolesence and adult life I watch a girl looking to be 'enough'...pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough...what a horrid word ENOUGH is, I think I hate it as much as I hate the word SHOULD.  This is not to be mistaken for wanting more out of life, I still chase adventures and experiences with gusto, this is about being 'enough' for the voices in your head to stop telling you that you aren't.  Because that is who is telling you that you are not enough, no one external is, it is all in your mind, or all in my mind anyway.

What is enough?  When are you enough?  Is there a measurement for when this happens?  It is all a state of mind.  I have been wife, mother, lover, student, professional career woman...when is it enough?  Because all of those things are transient.  I am no longer a wife, started again as a student, I am someone's lover, I am a better mother than I have been in a long time, I have so much joy around me...is this enough yet? 

There is a great scene in Love Actually, where the chappie in love with the new wife of his best mate, bravely tells her (with placards) how he feels, and as he walks away he says "enough" and it was. 

Pretty enough...meh...subjective...

Smart enough...by whose measurement...I can quote Shakespeare but I thought ants were herbivores!

Skinny enough...as long as I am healthy...ok well maybe I have still to conquer this one...giggle

I am enough, I am passionate, adventurous, kind, generous and patient.  I love unconditionally, I forgive, I speak my mind, I am opinionated, I am stubborn, I am careful with my words, I am curvy, I am quick to laugh, I will do anything for those I care about, I am emotional, I am messy, I am chaotic, I am impulsive, I am intelligent, I am witty....

I am enough for me and guess what...

ENOUGH